8 Things u should never say to your Kids

8 Things u should never say to your Kids

 

When you're at the end of your tether, it's easy to blurt out things you don't mean. Here's what not to say to your child

WHY CAN'T YOU BE MORE LIKE YOUR BROTHER OR SISTER?

Comparisons with brothers or sisters won't just make kids feel inadequate, they can also drive siblings apart, sparking rivalry and rows. Child expert Professor Joe Elliott of Durham University says: "Instead of trying to be as good as his sibling, this could make a child think he can never compete. To protect his sense of selfworth, he won't even try. That way it looks like he's not as good only because he didn't bother trying." So, accept every kid is born different. Build up struggling siblings by focusing on each child's individual talents and strengths.
WAIT UNTIL YOUR DAD GETS HOME
Passing the buck to your partner undermines your authority - and makes kids ask themselves why they should listen to you. Joe says: "It can also cause tension. The other parent comes home tired after work and doesn't want to play the bad cop, or else doesn't handle it the way you'd like." In any case, if you leave it to the end of the day, younger children will have forgotten what they did wrong in the first place. Instead of handing over responsibility and making threats, deal with bad behaviour then and there.

IF YOU KEEP DOING THAT, A WITCH/MONSTER WILL COME AND GET YOU.

"Terrifying kids might work well in the short term," says Joe, "but there's a danger that this will traumatise them and lead to nightmares." Plus it's only a short-term fix. "Eventually the child finds out you've lied and that will erode their faith in you. It's essential the authority comes from you, not from some outside force." Instead, if children do not do as they are asked, Joe advises parents to rely on body language and tone of voice. "Get down on their level, look directly at them and tell them calmly what it is you want them to do. Good eye contact goes a long way."

IF YOU DON'T HURRY UP, I'M GOING TO LEAVE YOU HERE

Perhaps the biggest fear young children have is that they will get lost or abandoned. But while you know you would never leave them behind, they don't and it's wrong to exploit that anxiety. Joe says: "It may work the first time but ultimately it's an empty threat and ends up losing its power." Instead look at why your child isn't ready and remember that kids are easily distracted and don't have the same concept of urgency as grown-ups. Ask yourself if you need to give them more warning. Look for calm ways to speed things along — like turning off the TV or letting them take along a favourite toy.

YOU'RE SUCH A NAUGHTY CHILD

You may think you're helping to manage your child's behaviour by saying what they're doing wrong. In fact, by labelling your child, they start to believe naughtiness is part of who they are and try to live up to the label, says Joe. Separate the child from their actions. Rather than saying, 'You are naughty', say, 'I don't like the way that you are behaving'. Give kids good labels to live up to. Joe advises: "Tell the child he is usually so good you would like that to be the way he always behaves."

THIS IS SO EASY, WHY ARE YOU GETTING IT WRONG?

One of the very worst things you can do if kids are having difficulties with their homework or reading is to get tense. Asking exasperated questions will make them nervous and you will get trapped in a vicious circle. "Tell them you think they could do a little better if they concentrated a little more," advises Joe. If the child makes a mistake, say 'Nearly,' and let them have another go. Don't get frustrated because kids learn at different rates. Instead keep it fun by giving your child a tickle for extra effort, or pointing out something funny in their book.

I WISH YOU'D NEVER BEEN BORN

Regardless of what the child has done or how pushed to the limit you are, this is the worst possible thing you can say to a child. "This is all about getting a release for the frustrated parent and few mums and dads really mean it," says Joe. But if kids believe it's true, they will never forget it and they may internalise it, so it damages their self-worth.
   If you ever feel close to saying something like this, go to another room until you have calmed down.

WHY DO YOU NEVER DO A THING I TELL YOU?

This may seem like a mild remark but, if you keep repeating it, the underlying message to children is that they are a menace. They get the impression that they can never do anything right so why bother trying.
   "Questions like these never get an answer from kids so there's no point in asking them," says Joe. Instead of getting exasperated, be specific about exactly what you want them to do and explain: 'I would prefer you to do it this way'. "Use your body language and voice to give the message that you expect them to do as you say," says Joe.
   Daily Mirror